Gold Investment or a Cocktail Brag?
- jjpthe22
- Sep 10
- 2 min read
If you’ve been sitting on the sidelines, clutching your tech stocks like a toddler with a security blanket, you’ve probably missed one of the juiciest runs in modern commodities: Gold. Yes, gold, the stuff your grandmother wore to bingo has been the breakout star of the last year. While the S&P 500 was busy handing out “meh” returns of around 19%, gold has been flexing with gains north of 46%. Why, you ask? Simple: the Fed can’t make up its mind, the dollar is wobbling like a drunken sailor, and geopolitical tensions are simmering hotter than a Palm Beach brunch spat over seating charts. In that chaos, gold has thrived. Investors have piled in, driving current prices to the $3,400-$3,650 per ounce range. And no, this isn’t your garden-variety rally. This is gold at record highs, with central banks and hedge funds hoarding it like toilet paper in 2020. Have a look at the numbers.
12-month return: ~46.7%.
Year-to-date: a plump 39.5%.
Six-month surge: 26%.
Even the max drawdown (a correction from top to trough) at -44%, looks relatively tame compared to equities, which can wipe out half your portfolio before lunch. So should you own some? Let’s be honest: telling people you own gold has a certain ring to it (pun intended). It says, “I’m prepared for the apocalypse, but also, I like shiny things.” Gold doesn’t pay dividends, but neither does panic and gold is the asset that makes panic profitable. Stocks tank? Gold rallies. Fed dithers? Gold rallies. Inflation refuses to die. Gold rallies harder. It’s like the Swiss Army knife of investments, and it actually works when you need it.
Let’s get Physical
Buying and owning physical gold (coins or bullions) is a thing. It’s there, in front of you (hopefully in a safe or safety deposit box) and yes, it’s tradable when needed. It’s also very cool. Why?
It’s Real. Bars and coins don’t vanish in a bank failure or get re-hypothecated into financial spaghetti. You can literally hold your wealth.
No Counterparty Risk. Unlike ETFs or futures, nobody has to make good on a promise—you’ve already got the shiny rock in your hand.
Apocalypse Chic. When the financial system collapses and we’re all trading in Mad Max fashion, a Krugerrand might buy you gasoline faster than a Venmo transfer.
Adding gold to your portfolio probably is a very adult thing to do. It’s insurance that also happens to be making you money, something your actual insurance policy has never managed to do. And as an investment, it’s both practical and slightly glamorous. It hedges your portfolio, may impress your friends, and most likely, the oldest asset in the book is usually the smartest play.